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Portrayed by Thom Sharp in the season 2 episode "It's a Miserable Life," Mr. Pfeiffer is the director of the funeral home that Dorothy, Sophia, Rose and Blanche visit to inquire about burying their mean neighbor, Frieda Claxton.

After giving them his business card, he notes that his name is pronounced "P-feiffer" the P is not silent. At first, Mr. Pfeiffer thinks that Sophia is their mother and they're planning ahead for her, and Sophia responds: "Hey, Pfeiffer, how would you like a punch in the p-face!" They eventually settle for a $200 pine box with a flower wreath, but Mrs. Claxton gets cremated instead, and Mr. Pfeiffer says: "We never should have hired a high school student." He gives the urn with Mrs. Clayton's ashes to the women, saying: "We can't keep her."

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